The
Other Woman
My take on
attacking the ‘other woman’ for your husband’s infidelity
“I sincerely believe that women who are
married should spend more time and energy making their marriages great so that
their husbands will have no reason to cheat, and should focus on effective ways
to deal with their husband infidelity instead of attacking the other woman”. – Judith Adaobiihuoma Udeke
Who
is the other woman?
I
find it very interesting that a lot of married women think of ‘the other woman’
as this husband snatching female whose sole aim in life is to get their man. To these women ‘the other woman’ is loose,
she is easy, she stepped up to the man, maybe because she saw he was married
and she just loves dating another woman’s husband. News flash!
The rules of dating have not changed since you married him. It’s still boy meet girl, boy asks girl out,
girl says yes, and the dating starts.
Even
when some of these women are faced with this fact they continue to say, why did
she accept to date him knowing he is married.
She is a blah, blah, and blah.
And they go on to verbally and sometimes physically attack the other
woman. I would like to say at this point
that sometimes these “other women” do not know the man is married when they
start a relationship with him but that really is besides the point here.
Why
do women choose to pile the blame on the other women for the sins of their
husbands? Yes the other woman sins too
by having sex with your husband but her sin should not be your problem, you are
not in any kind of relationship with her.
You would hear these women quote the bible and sanctimoniously tell the
other woman that she should know better.
“As a woman they should know the implications of blah blah blah” you
will hear these women say. Here is a bit
of religious knowledge for you, unless this ‘other woman’ is herself married,
your husband is the only one that has disobeyed one of the ten commandments so
focus on that as you preach sister. Also
if this ‘other woman’ has never been married and therefore never taken a
marriage vow, she knows absolutely nothing about the sanctity of a marriage
relationship. Actually I take that back,
she knows as much about your marriage as the fact that your husband disregard it
enough to first court then date her.
Think about that for a minute.
Attacking
the other woman has been proven to be an ineffective way to deal with a
cheating husband. Lets take a look at
some examples that are already out their in the media. The case of Switz Beats wife vs. Alicia Keys. Beats’
wife took the attack/confront/talk to “the other woman” route in dealing with
her husband’s infidelity and today she is trying to get along with the other
woman who is now the wife for the sake of her children. You can find her Open
Letter to Alicia Keys here. She
wrote it shortly before her divorce was final and I don’t think it did her
marriage any good.
Lets
look at the case of Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. I did not find any open letters or news of
any communication Mrs. Clinton initiated with Ms. Lewinsky. Maybe that is the reason she is still Mrs.
Clinton and Mrs. Beats is now the former “other woman”. At this juncture I hear some of you saying
that its because Mr. Clinton and Mr. Beats, have different values, different
upbringing, or different lifestyles.
Well that is a nice transition to the crux of my message. Whether a man decides to marry the other
woman or not is going to depend primarily on the man, just like whether a man
decides to cheat on his wife or not is going to depend primarily on the man.
Knowing
and remembering this fact, a married woman should refrain from attacking the
other woman when her husband cheats, instead should focus on her husband and
her marriage to find reasons for the infidelity and a way forward plan. I believe that our men are falling short in
being Christian and Moral leaders in their family and in the society because of
how the world insist on painting a picture that Jesus or God the father
appointed women as the more moral, more righteous sex. I would like to know where this happened, as
I am yet to find it in my bible.
If
you like lists, here are few reasons to support my stand on this issue: One, attacking the other woman is not going
to help your marriage; it will either hurt it further or do no good at all. Two, attacking the other woman may push your
husband to her side in defense of your attack. Three if you want to be true to
your Christianity remember that Jesus never teaches us to attack others even
when we believe they have sinned against us. And last but not the least, be
good to yourself; attacking the other woman may lead her to insult you or even
physically harm you and that won’t do you or your marriage any good.
God
Bless.
NB: Please leave a comment, as always I would
like to hear your opinion.
