Insecurity - Final

How it affects women - Part III

Lets just say it wasn’t nice and I did let her goad me into schooling her about how life really works outside the mind of an insecure woman.  For example an insecure woman thinks that they do not deserve their husband and he is so great that every woman wants to steal him from her but in the real life men ask women out and her husband may not be able to get any woman interested in him if they knew he was married.  She ended her LinkedIn message attack by saying “we are all insecure”.  This prompted an interesting discussion on my Facebook wall and impelled me to go looking for answers to my question “Are we really all insecure?” 

Unfortunately the answer to the question is yes.  Everyone is insecure about something and there are very useful insecurities like apprehension that keeps us safe from bad guys and distrust that keeps us safe from con men, you can read more about The Upside of Insecurity, but I know this, not all women are insecure enough to attack another woman because they think or know she is the other woman the husband is having an affair with.  I dare say that the world would benefit greatly from more confident women.  Even guys like John Doe would appreciate a more confident woman because a confident woman would believe her husband if he fesses up about taking a woman out but not having an affair with her.  A confident woman will not marry a man she does not or cannot trust.  A confident woman will leave a cheating husband and if you still can’t see how more confident women will make the world a better place.  Close your eyes and think about a world where men knew for a fact that their wives will leave them if they cheat….  If you believe that this will not change anything then check your insecurities because you sincerely believe that men do not value their wives. 

If you want to know if you are insecure or might appear insecure to others you can check out these signs of insecurity.  A good look at why you might be insecure can also help you boost your confidence.

Cheers!

God Bless

Insecurity - Part 2

Insecurity

How it affects women - Part II

So I went to LinkedIn in search of this married guy I had an affair with and almost broke up his family.  I know I forget a lot of things but you would think I would remember a guy so good that I would share him with another woman.  When I found this guy on LinkedIn the face did not ring a bell.  I would you have you know right now that I haven’t had so many lovers that I would fail to recognize one.  I knew he was never a lover of mine but I kept racking my poor brain to remember how I knew the guy and why his wife would think I had an affair with him.  The company he worked for was unknown to me but when I looked at his previous employers, an interesting summer experience came to me.

I vaguely remember the details but many years ago when I was an intern in Houston, there was one time I had dinner with this guy that worked in my office who had been asking me out for a while.  I wasn’t remotely attracted to him and had zero idea he was married but I finally decided to have dinner with him for whatever reason, maybe I was just bored, or maybe my girlfriends told me to give him a chance, I honestly don’t remember, it was years ago and I have had more interesting encounters with men since then.  I will tell you about one of these on my next blog post.  Anyway I go out with the guy and must have been exchanging text messages with him after he dropped me off and I got a nasty text from his phone from someone who identified themselves as his wife and then I vaguely remember him calling to apologize and me laughing about this with my friends and fellow interns at work after that.  This was in 2006 I think and that was the end of the story for me but not for his wife apparently because 6 years later in 2012 she found my blog and felt I deserved some more insults for “almost ruining her marriage”.  Wow!  Why are women so quick to attack other women because of a man?  Why are some women so insecure and distrusting of their partners that this fellow woman could turn a dinner date to this huge affair that almost ended her marriage?  I have to believe that she didn’t believe her husband when he told her nothing happened or maybe she didn’t even give him a chance to explain.  Poor dude.

Yes, even though the guy must not have had the best intentions since I only found out he was married courtesy of his wife’s text, I kind of feel sorry for him because when I sent him a LinkedIn message to say

“Hi John, So I just found out from your wife on my blog that I had an affair with you that almost ruined your marriage.  I had to search for your face on google after reading her reading her comment because the name rang a bell.  Now that I see your face I am getting absolutely no buzz.  Looking at your previous employers. I believe we met at company X but I am sure I wouldn’t forget having an affair!!!  The insecurities of Nigerian women is something I need to write a whole book about but tell her to save her defaming comments for that book or the blog posts about that.  Until then please let her have some more kids or get a more rewarding career cause she obviously has too much time on her hands and too little respect for herself.”

Yea.  I was pretty upset and probably should have risen above it but I did send that message and he replied

“Dear Judith, I hope all is fine with you and your family.  I am sorry for any defaming comments my wife put out and any troubles caused.  You are not guilty and that is what counts.”

I said I feel sorry for the guy because I can just imagine that “you are not guilty and that is what counts” is what he tells himself when his wife attacks him about this affair we had.  Yes he was guilty of perhaps wanting to cheat but he is not guilty of having an affair but I am sure this wife cannot be an easy wife to have because she replied my LinkedIn message to her husband!!!!

Her reply?

Check out the next post!

Insecurity - How it affects women and why we must rise above it

Insecurity Part I

Wednesday Oct 15^th, 2014 10:42pm

I have made this blog about me and with this particular blog post I will be opening myself to judgements and attacks from people who believe they are gods but my friends know that I put my life out there and I do this because I know something that a lot of people don’t know or choose to forget and that is that only God can judge me, only God has the right to judge me and HE already knows all my sins so being a saint in any human beings eyes do not put food on my table or pay my bills.  Enjoy J.

Tonight Chibuikem Oga Dr. Udeke from Nigeria also known as Chibuikem or Aaron asked me to come and sleep in his bed until he falls asleep. He was taking too long to fall asleep (preferring to laugh like a silly cat that he is J).  I started singing him nursery rhymes and the nursery rhyme “My Mother” came to me.  I started to sing it to him and he finally slept while I saw myself shedding tears although I didn’t quite understand why.  I remember loving to sing that song a lot as a kid and never once do I remember it making me cry.  Maybe the fact that I am on my period is to blame or maybe its just that this song outlines some of the under appreciated work of women.  I have always believed that women are over worked and under appreciated, but the fact that right now, I don’t have a paying job yet I am always so busy make me wonder how we women cope with all that we do and why a lot of us down play these huge endeavors.  

Why do women down play their importance in this world?  So much so that the world has reduced our worth.  If you don’t think a woman’s worth should be more than it is now, close your eyes and imagine a world where men gave birth to babies.  How much would we have to pay for one baby in that world?  I say a lot! Why do women feel the need to be humble but men don’t?  Humility is a Christian virtue so why is it always described as a good thing in a woman but not so much in a man? Why are a lot of good women very insecure while the worst of men feel very confident in their self worth?  I always have so many questions about human beings, but not so much about technology as most engineers have.  This is why I have decided that a PhD in Psychology, or Sociology would be more my cup of tea than a PhD in Engineering.  Still deciding on which education path to walk.  Indecision some may say is a sign of insecurity.  I guess “we are all insecure” as a fellow woman recently told me. 

I shouldn’t talk about insecurity without telling you all a juicy story of my recent brush with the word and why it has been on my mind a lot lately.  Let me start by saying I have been very bad.  You know how you are supposed to stay above people who try to goad you.  Recently I failed in doing this and got into a LinkedIn (yes, I know of all places!) word war with the wife of a guy I worked with during my internship days.  I was looking at the comments on some of my old blog posts and I saw the same not so nice comment on two different posts left by the same person using a blogger account they opened with a fake name just to post those comments.  The comment started with “How is John Doe?”  John Doe is being used in place of the name of the husband of this woman who claimed in her not so nice comment that I had an affair with her husband and let me know how she prays to lay eyes on me one day so she could deal with me.  Lol!  At the time the name John Doe only rang a bell to me because I remember getting a LinkedIn invite from the name.

To Be Continued…..

Beautiful Imperfections

Here are the promised pictures.  Please totally enjoy the as they were somewhat tricky to post.  I still haven’t figured out how to get these pictures from Samsung galaxy to my Macbook.  I can’t help but wonder if Apple is indirectly telling me to get an Iphone.  Dear apple that won’t work with me.  I would rather go back to a windows PC.  Signed, my beautifully different self. 

NB: Apologies for the poor quality of the pictures, I totally need to upgrade my phone.  Still using the Galaxy S3!

Unhealthy Breakfast #Nofilter J

Before                                         After

Yes!  I do not always eat my fruits and veggies.  This breakfast here was a Monday morning staple growing up.  Back then my mom was not the badass cook she is now (cough) so most mornings we had bread and tea but on Monday mornings we had left over rice from Sunday lunch with tea.  J  I thought that this was a pretty normal breakfast everyone had until I got to college and my dear friend looked at me real funny when I suggested it one lazy morning.  She did enjoy it after she opened her mind to the idea.  So yep on some lazy mornings when I want a hot breakfast but cannot be bordered to cook, I eat rice and tea and I tell myself that because it is breakfast, I don’t have to put veggies in my rice!  And Yes! I skin an oxtail bone real good J

Fridge

They say you can tell a lot about someone by looking in their fridge so please tell me what my fridge says about me because I have no idea! 

Kitchen

 

I love the red accents in my kitchen.  Did you know my favourite color was green until I had kids and red became the favourite color of both my sons?  Now I really think that red is my new favourite color.  Don’t you just love motherhoodJ.

Dirty Laundry

I call this picture “dirty laundry” although the picture itself is showing my clean laundry which was left unfolded at the foot of my bed and on my dresser for a total of six days.  Now that I have literarily aired my dirty laundry in public, I must also tell you that it took a lot of will power to leave that basket there until I didn’t have to stay up late at night just to fold it.  Yea, I am that person who stays up late cleaning after the kids and attempting to restore my home into a beautiful retreat, ignoring the very important fact that I have to wake up early the next morning.  I have neglected sleep so much; it has now departed from me.  I hope you are still keeping my insomnia in your prayers.  I believe God for complete healing soonest because I need my sleep back!!!! I can’t believe how I took it for granted all these years; I used to look at people funny when they say they have a hard time falling asleep.

Kids Bathroom

I would like to think that the reason I caught this bathroom so neat is that my sons are finally grown and that they have been so well bred but last night I stayed up to clean and this bathroom was not so neat so I tell you, it’s just a lucky break.

Kids Bedroom  I told you they weren’t grown.

Dining

I love having this dining table neat; so much that I make my sons eat most of their meals on the breakfast bar.  Yep, I am a horrible mommy too!

Living Area

 I have lived in this apartment for two months now and still don’t have a sofa.  Apologies to all my guests that have had to endure this torture but I will get to it soon.  I promise.  I may even share updated photos with you all soon.

Pantry (Lagniappe) –A little extra

Wandering if this reveals something about me besides the fact that I live in an apartment that has a really tiny pantry!

Last but not Least....

My Imperfect Desk

 

Enough said.

Have an awesome day dear friends and family!  Thank you all for taking out time to leave me comments via e-mail, face book, texts and Whatsapp.  I truly appreciate your nod of encouragement to keep writing. 

God Bless.