What is the Color of Your Love this Valentine’s Day?

The Color of My Love is White

By

Princess Judith Adaobiihuoma Udeke

The color of my love is white

My love is light heavenly rays joy unending

It fills my being with excitement

Like I have never loved and lost

Never been broken hearted or pained

My love is an eclectic white light

Nimble ethereal light, yearning to ignite

The color of my love is white

My love is not stained by hope unfulfilled

It is not tainted by joy thwarted or Love unrequited

My love is a child, ever forgiving or just forgetting

That in love, happiness becomes hurt and laughter pain

My love is an eternal white light

Gentle forgiving peace, giving to renew

The color of my love is white

My love is sunrise on a field of white roses

I hear it sing, a vivid song of cheer

Abundant, unblemished blinding bright love

That is what I feel this Valentine’s Day

My love is calling my time is here

Oh! Beautiful, dazzling white love

The color of my love is white

My love is an amazing bright light

It reminding me of God himself

A crisp smell of fresh air, on a snowy winter morning

Upbeat, divine tunes in my heart, my movements is supernatural

My love has me floating on magical white clouds

Heaven is calling, for God is Love

Do Have a Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Cheers! J

A Man’s Beauty “Mma Nwoke”

A Man’s Beauty “Mma Nwoke”

“How is married life?” a friend of mine asked her newly married girlfriend.   “More yeast infection is all I can boast of right now” was her not very happily ever after response.   Is it me or are women getting more and more disillusioned at the pursuit of happiness via marriage.

Most of you already know that I analyze everything.  Lately I have been analyzing the fact that most of my married friends try to hook up their single friends so they too can get married while at the same time complaining or accepting that being married is a cross they have to carry. They definitely don’t paint the happily ever after picture some of us single ladies have in our mind’s eye when we think about finally meeting that Mr. Right.

Notice I didn’t say that my married friends try to hook me up.  Maybe it is because they have all given up on me, but the fact that I often get “you are lucky, you are single” by some of them sends a different message across.   

I don’t have all the answers but the more I analyze this particular issue, the more I feel the reason women are getting more and more disillusioned about being happy in marriage is that while men have stayed on the matter in looking for the beauty of a woman before they decide to marry her, it appears that a lot of women especially those that are quite miserable in their marriages completely skipped this basic step in deciding who you choose to say “I do” to.

Back in the days in Igbo land, this process was very simplified.   A woman’s beauty “Mma Nwanyi” was character “ugwu” and a man’s beauty “mma nwoke” was in the amount of money he has.  A lot of our mothers had/has successful happy marriages with this simple guide.  My girlfriend once told me that she has always only dated men with money because at a much early age she realized that men are work so you are better off getting some money with the package.  My girlfriend is happily married to a wealthy man today and sometimes, I wish I had met her when I was younger. 

I can already hear some of you saying money is not everything and yes, this is a very simplified definition of “Mma nwoke” and “Mma nwanyi” but every woman should define what a man’s beauty for her is before getting into a marriage relationship so that she can be happy in the marriage.  Today for men a woman’s beauty has evolved to several things but the important thing is that my married guy friends can easily tell me one tangible non-feeling related trait that convinced them to marry the wives they have today.  For one it was her humility part of “ugwu” and for another it was her sexual prowess, but the story changes when I talk to my female friends.  “I fell in love with his charming smile” is not the path to happiness.

So for those of us who are still lucky to be single (yep I consider me very lucky), and I should probably say unmarried cos for me its either single or married so take no offence beaux!!  I want to urge you to define your “Mma nwoke” and ensure that the next guy you date has that before you commit your heart and your life to them.  Do it for God because how can you convince sinning single girls like us that that marriage is God’s will for us when we are not seeing you in a life we can aspire to.

It will be nice to hear what a man’s beauty means for you so if you have taken time to think about it, do share your definitions on the comment box.

God Bless.

Cheers!

Happy Me Year!!!

Happy Me Year!!!

How did you start 2015?  I started this New Year by sipping fine champagne in between kissing someone I love very much.  I couldn’t have been happier. The kids were enjoying a drink break from throwing fireworks, and as soon as they could, they were happy to run back outside to continue the fun.  I enjoyed watching some of their fireworks and although seeing their huge excitement as they threw up fireworks then ran back to watch it explode in sparks of sound and beauty warmed my heart, I was glad to escape back to the warm comfort of fine champagne and sweet kisses. 

I am really excited for what God has in store for me in 2015; I have a really good feeling about this year.  I have had a good feeling for a while now; maybe it is the excitement of getting over the insomnia that plagued me for over a year.  Maybe its just waking up and knowing that the work I will do today will be mostly enjoyable work like cleaning my apartment, yes I actually enjoying cleaning these days, and baking J, definitely getting my skills back in that arena, writing J J, this one truly makes me happy because every time I write its easy to dream about selling over a million copies and being on NY Times best sellers list.  Yes, a girl can dream!  And I tell you, taking steps towards your dream makes that dream much more real.

Today I finally did something I have wanted to do for a while, and yes, that is something that I have truly enjoyed this past few months.  Actually doing the things, little and big (mostly little), that I want to do.  Anyways today I parked my car at my younger son’s elementary school after dropping him off at school and walked my older son to his middle school.  I then took a walk around the block before getting back in my car.  Why have I wanted to do this?  Well my dream of walking the boys to school have been deterred by the too cold Houston weather and the fact that I feel bad about making my younger son do the almost 30 minute walk which is how long it takes with his little steps.  God knows he is already too skinny!!!  I could also just come home and walk around the lake in my apartment complex, but I am already getting bored from doing the less than 1000 steps it takes to go around it, over and over again.  Yea, I have come to accept that I bore easily.

While I was walking the block, I realized that one of the reasons why people who spend most of their days doing the things they like are happier than those who spend most of their days doing the things they believe they should be doing is that the first group of people accept life’s hardship as a part of life, where as the latter group see life’s hardship as an effect of there rotten job, their being parents too early, their over bearing parents, or spouse or something else they have come to resent because of their life’s choice.  Ok let me attempt to explain this better with an example.  I lost myself somewhere in that complicated theoretical explanation.  So take me for example, like a lot of people there are things, which I believe I should have, like money to pay for GRE, prep classes, swimming, music lessons, acting classes and tennis lessons for the boys.  We definitely want to do it all!!  Sometimes I get headaches thinking about if I can really afford some of these things.  

When I made six-figures, these headaches blow up to migraines because I get myself worked up hating my job because I feel like what is the use of doing this job when I can’t afford basic stuff like that.  Today, I just gently told myself that if I can’t afford it now, I will just wait a little and just like that my headache stopped before it had a chance to take a major hold on me.

Even people who are hard on themselves like I am are somewhat happier and more content with the life they have when they are doing what they like to do.  Like right now, I am enjoying my career transition because it is a choice I made for me.  Everything, even life’s hardships feels all right to me.  A few weeks ago, I was taken aback by an outburst by a very good friend of mine who vehemently declared that she hates her life in this country and can’t wait to go back to Nigeria.  When she was done venting, I mulled over her complaints and bitterness for weeks.  It got me really worried, maybe because I was one of the people who encouraged her to come the US.  Today I dare say I understand where that outburst came from. 

Back in Nigeria, my friend was a stay at home mom because she chose to, she had friends she was happy with, a life she was comfortable and happy with.  Now in the US she is not only working outside her home but she is working on getting another degree so she could get a better job, I thought she had friends she was happy with and is building a life she was comfortable and happy with but I guess I was wrong.  My key understanding is that because the decision to relocate to the US was not hers, life’s hardship, which would also exist in Nigeria, is now blamed on the decision to move to the US.  I have had the opportunity to talk to her after the incidence and I believe that she has a better outlook now.  Dearest girl, if you read this and still feel as bad as you felt that day, let’s talk about it again. 

As for me, this "Me year", I am going to focus on counting my blessings.  Life is Good I tell you J.

God Bless.

Celebrating the New Year

Happy New Year Friends!!!

Happy New Year!!  I am sure some of you have made some New Year resolutions and some have even broken those resolutions already.  For me my only resolution in 2015 is to always celebrate the New Year with a Party on or around January 15^th!  Now that’s a resolution that will be hard to break J.

Anyone who knows me, know that I like to organize and execute a good party.  From cooking, to baking and drinks selection to color coordination, setting the scene, music selection and dancing, there is no aspect of party planning and execution that is not appealing work to me.  I can hear some of you saying, “you forgot cleaning up after!”  Yep! That was selective amnesia; I too, hate the cleaning up after part, which is why I am still cleaning up from my 36^th Birthday Party many days after the fun stuff.

For as long as I remember, I have always had a Birthday celebration.  Some years, like in in 2011 I had a big ole Fundraising party with a large venue, which I paid an interior decorator to bring my vision to life, a cake that came together so perfectly and tied the colors and party theme together in an exquisite way, courtesy of my dear friend and super talented cake designer Chioma.

I think having some kind of party for my birthday, be it big or small was born in my preteens, when my mother who loved to entertain but hated to cook, found out that her first-born child loved not only to cook but also to bake.  She would ask me to write a list of all the things I needed to cook and bake for my party and she would go to the market and buy all my passionate child heart desired including cake pans of different shapes and sizes.  One year I baked a total of 7 cakes for my Birthday and my mom had a great time giving cakes away to her friends who did not make it to the party.  Yea, most of the guests for my earlier birthday parties were mom’s friends.  I think mom used my birthday party as a New Year’s party for her friends.

Many Years later, I have come to realize that my annual Birthday celebration has become the same for me.  My Birthday is January 15^th and it is close enough to the New Year that by the turn of the year, I am already in the party planning phase and since party planning makes me happy, I start the new year happy, and that happiness spreads to the rest of the year.  So much so, that in 2013 when I skipped my annual Birthday celebration, I got so depressed, I had to take a week off and went on a retreat alone.  Needless to say that 2013 turned out to be the worst year of my life and I swore to never not-celebrate my Birthday again! 

Last year in a very brave move, I took my family (parents, siblings, and children) to Hawaii on a trip that has to go down, as my most expensive vacation till date but it was money happily spent.  Putting a smile on your children’s faces gives you a good feeling but since my kids are still young enough that I know how to put a smile on their faces, it starts to look like an easy (albeit expensive) task, but putting an excited smile on your parents faces is a fantastic feeling, I tell you!

This year, since I am still recovering from that expensive Hawaii trip and I just moved back to Texas, I decided to have a party in my new apartment.  I love the way my low budget vision has come together so far in my new apartment so I did not mind showing it off to family and friends J.  In the first week of the New Year, I picked January 17^th the Saturday after my Birthday as my party day.   Friends and family were invited, the buffet food list was planned, a table was booked at Zanzibar Houston Cos its not a party until I have danced!  The party plans were underway and since party planning makes me happy, I stayed happy the first few weeks of 2015.  Which was a great way to keep the happiness from New Year’s Day!  On my next post, I will tell you all about how I spent my “ME YEAR” J.

My party on January 17^th turned out to be another awesome party even thought I didn’t get to bake the deserts myself.  I have started to get my long abandoned baking skills back in shape baking chocolate cakes, pineapple upside down cakes, a much complimented carrot cake, and a beautiful coconut pineapple cake.  I did all the party cooking myself so didn’t have any more energy to bake.   I had to save some energy for dancing.  There is nothing as horrible as putting together a great party and being too tired to enjoy it.  I have decided to share a few pictures from my beautiful party with you all and to wish you all a great start to 2015!

Stay Blessed and Happy!!  Don’t forget to tune in to hear how I spent the first minutes and hours of 2015.  Tip:  It involves fireworks and not just from the hot kisses J.